Dirty 11 letter word

Hi Peeps,

Expectation is this word. The definition of this word from the Oxford Dictionary of English -

Over the last few years, I have been told by a few people (yes, men), that I should have no expectations.

I find this very confusing. Why should I not expect certain levels of commitment? Let delve into this further.

Reasons for Having Expectations in a Romantic Relationship

1. Clear Communication: Because “I’m fine” rarely means “I’m fine,” so having expectations helps them know when to bring chocolate.
2. Motivation: You expect them to plan date nights, which means you don’t end up spending another weekend sitting st home waiting for a call or text. .
3. Accountability: When they promise to take out the bins, it’s not a vague suggestion—it’s a sacred vow.
4. Trust Building: If they consistently show up on time, you know they’re trustworthy (and not just lost again without Google Maps).
5. Avoiding Mind Reading: Because despite your hopes, they still can’t magically know you need a cup of tea the moment you get home from work.

Reasons Against Having Expectations in a Romantic Relationship

1. Guaranteed Disappointment: Expecting them to remember your sixth-month anniversary (of your first text) is a recipe for feeling tragically misunderstood.
2. Unnecessary Pressure: Expecting them to be your personal therapist, chef, and best friend might be asking a bit much. How many men can multi task 😂?
3. Stifling Spontaneity: If you always expect them to plan, you miss the joy of surprising each other (like that time he brought home a new motorbike without warning).
4. Miscommunication: If you expect them to just “know” why you’re upset, enjoy the awkward guessing game. Surely it cant be that time if the month again 🤷🏼‍♀️.
5. Ignoring Individuality: If you expect them to love hiking just because you do, you may end up dragging a very unhappy person up a mountain.

I think you can see which way I mean. Currently for me, this is a landslide decision, a bit like the Federal election.

I have EXPECTATIONS. The main reason is the respect I have for myself.

How to Balance Healthy Expectations in a Romantic Relationship

1. Communicate Openly: Don’t assume your partner knows your expectations. Instead of waiting for them to guess you want a surprise date, just say, “I’d love it if you planned a date for us this month.”
2. Be Realistic: Expect your partner to be supportive, but don’t expect them to fix all your problems (just listen to me vent about 🙈🙊🙉 or work, I don't need you to solve it).
3. Set Boundaries, Not Traps: Make sure your expectations are clear without being secret tests. If you expect them to remember your anniversary, talk about the upcoming event, don't wait until the day. This will lead to disappointment everytime.
4. Allow Room for Growth: Understand that people change over time. Just because I didn’t like soccer (footy) last year doesn’t mean I won’t ever. Be open to changing expectations together.
5. Express Appreciation: When they meet or exceed your expectations, let them know. “Thanks for cooking dinner without me asking!” works better than assuming they’ll know you’re happy (especially if you’re staring at your phone while they are cooking). PS - a hot tip for young players, if you cook for me 💋💋 occurs.
6. Prioritise the Big Stuff: Decide which expectations really matter (honesty, respect, support) and which can be more flexible (they won't always laugh at my terrible jokes).

But apparently men are allergic to expectations in the 2020's. Well, if this is the way you feel then feel free to walk on by.

I love myself, I respect myself and I expect you to respect me too and in turn I will respect you.

I don't believe expectation is a dirty word. All the best in your quest in finding any human being who does not have expectations. It is like a video game which gores from level to level and never ends.

Love,

Ro