Dating in your 40s

Dear Peeps,

So I know a lot of you have been married for many years. Firstly, I would like to congratulate you if you are still together and happy😀. But if you are unhappy and thinking of coming to the dark side here is a sneak peak.

Dating Apps are really the only way to meet new people. Notice I did not write single, new people, because that is part of the surprise! You don't know if they are really single or not.

You would have heard of Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. I have tried all of them. Bumble was great for casual sex, Tinder is great for entertainment, I mean I love reading men's profiles that ask you to treat them like a baby and change their nappies (no, I am not joking). Hinge was better for finding men closer to my location. Sadly, the distance you are happy to travel is something you end up searching on because you aren't going to sit in traffic for an hour each night after work to have a date. (Having 🙈🙊🙉 living with me meant I would never invite dates to my house or near where I lived because I'm a teacher and someone would see and the rumours would spread around the school by 9am the next day.)

The very first site I used was called Flinger Finder. I was too scared to have an app on my phone, in case 🙈🙊🙉 saw it, so I found one where you had to log into the website. Surprising, that site is the place I found my second love. Unsurprisingly, I should have known it would never become anything serious but hey at least he was single!

You will spend a lot of time deleting your profile and having a break. The constant images of men holding fish, beer bottles and wearing stained tshirts makes you depressed.

Even when you set your profile to seeking a relationship you will still find men who just want ONS and FWB. The most popular phrase I hear from men is "No expectations." Sorry, are you for real. You expect a woman to see you once or twice a week, have sex with you and she should have no expectactions? 🖕🖕🖕That is my response to that. (There is a whole blog coming on that topic).

Soon your partnered friends will tell you to join groups to meet new people. I have joined running clubs, gone to pickle ball and other social activities. I have also gone to some swingers parties (that gets its own post). Nope, most of the men are partnered or old.

Some of you may be thinking she is too picky!

I do have a few rules

  1. Good hygiene
  2. They speak nicely to the wait staff
  3. They can hold a conversation
  4. They don't have young children

I don't think I am asking much.

I have also tried speed dating. Try talking to 10 - 12 men for 10 minutes each. It is mentally exhausting. I am great at keeping a conversation going but sometimes you make an excuse to go to the bathroom when they are very bad.

The worst are the trauma dumps - I just met you and you told me you tried to kill yourself or your wife left you and it is hard to get out of bed and you did not even shower before coming speed dating. One man took it on himself to sit next to me instead of across from me like he was meant to and he started pressing his legs into me. I moved back to create some personal space and he kept coming. I finally told him to move out of my personal space. He was very creepy.

I have not been on the dating apps in months, there are no new men at my group activities and I still have feelings for my second love. But hey, I know when I love, I love hard and it will take time for this to lessen. No one has suggested a name for this type of love yet.

Feel free to comment below with ways of getting over unrequited love. Don't tell me to join anymore groups😂 I don't have the time or energy.

Love,

Ro

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